Empty Nests, and Hearts
Today's Yesterday's NYT has an article that's sure to generate some discussion on feminist blogs: The lead of Empty Nests, and Hearts reports that "[o]ver the past 30 years, the fraction of women over 40 who have no children has nearly doubled, to about a fifth. According to the Gallup Organization, 70 percent of these women regret that they have no kids." The article goes on to critique the lack of flexibility in our workforce for what makes sense for women, so that women don't have to a.) not have children at all for the sake of their careers or b.) face the probability that their careers will enter a state of arrested development (they'll either be on the backburner, because there's only so much time and energy in one day/one person, or jettisoned completely for several years, and who knows if by the end of that period the opportunities will still be there?).
This problem has been discussed extensively in books, in the Chronicle, on Invisible Adjunct, Misbehaving, and many other places. I'm also reminded of (haunted by?) a post by Halley Suitt in which she writes, "And what about babies? I had one -- when I was 39 and had been in software and information services sales for a long time. If I had to do it over again. I'd have more babies earlier."
Sigh. Anyone got any new ideas for large-scale reform? If so, please share 'em; if not, feel free to lament here.
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Suggestions? I got a few.
Suggestions? I got a few.
Replace the "a woman is a failure until she's got her VERY OWN KID" rhetoric with "women without children preserve the environment, throw their energy outward into the world, and help rear other people's kids." A lot of this sense of regret from the 70-percenters is NOT inward-generated; it's response to societal pressures.
More attention to the 30-percenters. We're here, we're not going to let you sweep us under the carpet, and like it or not we're perfectly good role models for the others.
Ask where the hell the men are. It's about time somebody did. Ursula K. LeGuin wrote in re childrearing-plus-career that one person can't do two jobs, but two people can do three.
More societal support for non-traditional living arrangements. Why shouldn't single parents (of either sex) band together to share living space and childrearing arrangements, for example?
That's a start, anyway.
You're right, Dorothea
I agree with all of your suggestions wholeheartedly, and I apologize if my approach was too navel-gazey. Until ~6 months ago --or maybe longer, I realize, considering the fact that Halley's post from December 2003 stuck with me the way it did, I didn't want kids either (not that I now subscribe to the smug, smiling-knowingly "you'll change your mind!" mess), and I'm starting to think about these things.
By the way, Kameron Hurley has a good response everyone should read.