Personal

Sorry, y'all. I'll try to do better. I'm just kind of spent right now, ready to go HOME one week from today (for a month, yay!).

I'm terribly ashamed of this, but I have the TV on "Access Hollywood," which features full coverage of Britney Spears' pregnancy. They had a segment called "Britney's Baby Boutique," and in it the reporters showed us various onesies and t-shirts the baby could wear -- which makes me want to announce the following to the world: When I have a child (pretty sure that's a "when," not "if"), do NOT buy me any little shirts or onesies with vulgar puns about breastfeeding, like "Mutha Sucka" or "Got milk?" Just get a bunch of people to chip in and buy me a digital camcorder so that I can make cute movies like these.

Edited to add: No offense intended. Right after hitting "post" I figured with my luck, all my best friends are going to send me upset emails with jpgs of their babies in their "Mutha Sucka" shirts. You'd be wasting your money buying them for my child 's all I'm saying.

One more addition: These pictures, and this link to geeky baby clothes. Aaaww!

Okay, the babies make those clothes kind of cute.

I haven't blogged a poem for National Poetry Month yet; I was just waiting for the right one to come to me. It's apparent if you've been reading here lately that I've been depressed, but I'm trying to be positive and focus on the it's-going-to-be-okayness. Looking at the tree outside my window this morning, I see little leaves trying to poke through the tips of the branches. Compartmentalizing for the moment the sadness I feel about the fact that it's probably already beautiful in the south, that the dogwood blossoms will probably already be gone by the 20th, which is when I'll be going down there again, I'm going to try to be hopeful. This morning I thought of this Dylan Thomas poem:

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

The force that drives the water through the rocks
Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams
Turns mine to wax.
And I am dumb to mouth unto my veins
How at the mountain spring the same mouth sucks.

The hand that whirls the water in the pool
Stirs the quicksand; that ropes the blowing wind
Hauls my shroud sail.
And I am dumb to tell the hanging man
How of my clay is made the hangman's lime.

The lips of time leech to the fountain head;
Love drips and gathers, but the fallen blood
Shall calm her sores.
And I am dumb to tell a weather's wind
How time has ticked a heaven round the stars.

And I am dumb to tell the lover's tomb
How at my sheet goes the same crooked worm.

I have to cut out as many extracurricular activities as possible and try to rest. I've never thought of blogging as expendable before, but I'm tired, depressed, full of self-doubt, in the throes of career crisis, you name it. Some stuff has to go so that I can put my self-soothing skills to use by going to the park and knitting in the sun, watching movies, and reminding myself that the semester is almost over, really it is. But until then, may I have one of each of these -- and these? My supply of 5-HT is nil.

Read The Rude Pundit when you're depressed.

More here and here.

Monday meme, via Zoot:

What is your bedtime routine?

Take contacts out, brush teeth, watch a little relaxing DVD cartoon fare like Aqua Teen or Sealab 2021.

Do you squeeze or roll the toothpaste from top to bottom?

I use one of those toothpaste squeezers.

Do you take vitamins?

Yes, but usually not before bedtime, even though the people at the Red Cross told me that's the best time to take them. Last time I went in to donate blood, my iron count was too low, and they told me that if I take my multivitamin/multimineral right before bed, the iron absorption rate would be better.

What do you sleep in?

T-shirt and shorts.

How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two: One under my head and one leg pillow (I broke my pelvis at age 16, and since then it's been more comfortable to use a leg pillow.).

What kind of sheets, blankets are on your bed?

A down comforter and those t-shirt jersey material sheets. I'd rather have those than the expensive, high-thread-count kind.

What position do you sleep in?

On my side, sometimes back. I can't sleep on my stomach; if I try, it feels like I'm going to suffocate.

What weird sleeping habits do you have?

Sometimes I have really funny dreams and wake myself up laughing.

How many hours of sleep do you need?

Eight, but I rarely get that many.

No time to type up notes just now; company's coming in a little while! But I did have time to crop and size some photos from the conference:

First, from the city. These were both taken within a block of my hotel: